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Drew and Mike Drew & Mike Podcast

 

Welcome to the Drew and Mike Fan Site!

Now in our 17th year, we are neither a business, nor a religion, but a public service institution. Your ORIGINAL source for sound clips, drop-ins, and songs. A wonderful companion to all things Drew and Mike, if I do say so myself.



Latest Audio Additions

  • New! [ Download ] (251k) nonsequiturtracilords.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Traci Lords

  • New! [ Download ] (329k) nonsequiturtradetalk.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Trade Talk

  • New! [ Download ] (58k) notdoinganything.mp3 - Rachel Reilly on Big Brother: "She just thinks she's so cool, but she's not doing anything!"

  • New! [ Download ] (166k) nothitbirds.mp3 - Matt Damon on 30 Rock: "You know what a great pilot would have done? Not hit the birds. That's what I do every day. Not hit birds. Where's my ticket to the Grammys?"

  • New! [ Download ] (31k) ohyes.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Oooooh yes!"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (71k) onepieceoface.mp3 - Chris Farley in Billy Madison: "That is one piece of ace!"

  • New! [ Download ] (24k) ooh.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Oh!"

  • New! [ Download ] (278k) nonsequiturvarsitygirls.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Varsity Girls

  • New! [ Download ] (30k) notagainstlaw.mp3 - FOX2's Charlie Langton: "It's not against the law to have sex."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (18k) delicious.mp3 - "That sounds delicious."

  • New! [ Download ] (127k) demooftigerstadium.mp3 - A clueless member of Detroit City Council: "Has the demolition of the uh, Tiger Stadium, already began?"

  • New! [ Download ] (52k) dentaldam.mp3 - Danny McBridge in Eastbound & Down: "I got a dental dam in the glove compartment of my truck, you can just grab that."

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) detroithello.mp3 - Larry King: "Detroit, hello."

  • New! [ Download ] (20k) donebrothers.mp3 - Gina the phone sex operator: "Well, I done brothers before baby."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (37k) dontcall.mp3 - "Don't call here again asshole."

  • New! [ Download ] (132k) beautifulfat.mp3 - Will Forte in The Brothers Solomon: "You're beautiful, impeccable dresser, great personality, nice hair, FAT, great smile, smell good."

  • New! [ Download ] (182k) benfranklin.mp3 - Chris Farley in Almost Heroes: "You want to be alone so you can shake hands with Ben Franklin? Huh?" *laughs*

  • New! [ Download ] (1.0M) bertanderniegay.mp3 - Startingly evidence that Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie are gay. Part 1

  • New! [ Download ] (539k) bertanderniegay2.mp3 - Startingly evidence that Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie are gay. Part 2

  • New! [ Download ] (54k) blanket.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "Blanket! I love you, Blanket! Yes, yes, yes!"

  • New! [ Download ] (51k) blanket2.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "Blanket! Blanket! Blanket, I love you! Blanket!"

  • New! [ Download ] (275k) blanketbottle.mp3 - Michael Jackson attempting to bottle feed his son "Blanket" in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson.

  • New! [ Download ] (32k) brainchicken.mp3 - Sacha Baron Cohen on Saturday Night Live: "He has a brain like a chicken."

  • New! [ Download ] (37k) banginghorses.mp3 - Chris Farley in Black Sheep: "Taking 'im back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses."

  • New! [ Download ] (44k) barackhusseinobama.mp3 - A pro Hillary Clinton redneck: "Ba-rack Hussein Obama?"

  • New! [ Download ] (48k) barackhusseinobama2.mp3 - A pro Hillary Clinton redneck: "Barrrrrrack Hussein Obama!"

  • New! [ Download ] (89k) bathingapollo.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "I like this one because its- they're bathing Apollo. This looks like Apollo, and the girls are bathing him."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (116k) bathingapollo2.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "Excuse me? I want that one there, and this one. 'Cuz we have this- I bought this statue. That's the Bathing of Apollo, right?"

  • New! [ Download ] (18k) nikitahaveinyourmind.mp3 - Pornstar Nikita Denise: "Like, what do you in your mind?"

  • New! [ Download ] (13k) nikitahewasblack.mp3 - Pornstar Nikita Denise: "And he was black."

  • New! [ Download ] (5k) nikitahowareyoudoing.mp3 - Pornstar Nikita Denise: "How are you doing?"

  • New! [ Download ] (26k) nikitaindustry.mp3 - Pornstar Nikita Denise: "I'm in this industry since January 2000."

  • New! [ Download ] (793k) tbcjustinbieberfarts.mp3 - The Toilet Bowl Cleaners song, Justin Bieber Farts

  • New! [ Download ] (74k) thethriller.mp3 - Vincent Price: "Michael Jackson is..."
    Michael Jackson: "The Thriller."

  • New! [ Download ] (121k) thethriller3.mp3 - Michael Jackson: "Hi, this is Michael Jackson."
    Vincent Price: "And this is Vincent Price, inviting you to"
    Both Together: "The Thriller."

  • New! [ Download ] (62k) takeshoesoff.mp3 - Butt-head from Beavis and Butt-Head: "Hey, what do ya say we go over to airport security and watch people take their shoes off?"

  • New! [ Download ] (85k) talkaboutenergy.mp3 - Dick Clark on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve: "Talk about energy! You feel it in the air, huh?"

  • New! [ Download ] (85k) taxdollars.mp3 - Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head: "Yeah, you know, it's about time they spend my tax dollars on something I can use. You know what I'm sayin'?"

  • New! [ Download ] (811k) tbcbristolstoolchart.mp3 - The Toilet Bowl Cleaners song, Bristol Stool Chart

  • New! [ Download ] (295k) waiticanreadit.mp3 - Chris Farley in Almost Heroes: "Wait! I can read it! I can read it!" Laughs, and then fails to read it.

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (46k) wakeupinmorning.mp3 - Huel Perkins reading a text message between Kwame Kilpatrick and Christine Beatty: "I want to wake up in the morning, and you are there."

  • New! [ Download ] (259k) nonsequiturfridgeclean.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Fridge Clean Out Day

  • New! [ Download ] (343k) nonsequiturgreathat.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Great Hat!

  • New! [ Download ] (36k) openyourlegs.mp3 - Donald Sterling, former owner of the Los Angeles Clippers: "Who cares what color your skin is? Open your legs."

  • New! [ Download ] (34k) dontknowaboutdrugs.mp3 - Danny McBridge in Eastbound & Down: "Don't act like you don't know about drugs when you do."

  • New! [ Download ] (16k) drphil.mp3 - Oprah Winfrey: "Dr. Phil!!!"

  • New! [ Download ] (723k) tbcmileycyrusfarts.mp3 - The Toilet Bowl Cleaners song, Miley Cyrus Farts

  • New! [ Download ] (543k) tbctaylorlautnerpoops.mp3 - The Toilet Bowl Cleaners song, Taylor Lautner Poops

  • New! [ Download ] (835k) tbczooeydeschanelpoops.mp3 - The Toilet Bowl Cleaners song, Zooey Deschanel Poops

  • New! [ Download ] (44k) teacher.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "What do you think the teacher's gonna look like this year?"

  • New! [ Download ] (29k) teacher2.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "I'm hot for teacher!"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (12k) thatsright.mp3 - Donald Trump: "That's right"

  • New! [ Download ] (20k) thereheis.mp3 - Will Arnett: "Hey! There he is!"

  • New! [ Download ] (35k) thesecolors.mp3 - A pro Hillary Clinton redneck: "These colors don't run."

  • New! [ Download ] (29k) thesethings.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "These things are mine, right?"

  • New! [ Download ] (41k) comeonbuddy.mp3 - Ed Bassmaster: "Come on buddy, you can do it!" *laughs*

  • New! [ Download ] (18k) comingrightnow.mp3 - Possibly from a Lee Steinberg commercial: "I'm cumming right now."

  • New! [ Download ] (44k) completebush.mp3 - Jason Sudeikis on Saturday Night Live: "I just got fired for being a complete bush."

  • New! [ Download ] (53k) completebush2.mp3 - Seth MacFarlane on Saturday Night Live: "What? How? That guy is such a complete bush."

  • New! [ Download ] (33k) dontmakemekill.mp3 - Steve Little in Eastbound & Down: "Don't make me kill somebody!"

  • New! [ Download ] (42k) doorknob.mp3 - Jonah Falcon proceeds to gross everyone out: "I could uh, envelop the entire doorknob in my foreskin."

  • New! [ Download ] (15k) doublefart.mp3 - A double fart.

  • New! [ Download ] (393k) dreamcametrue.mp3 - Mike Schmidt breaks down as he retires from Major League Baseball: "Some eighteen years ago I left Dayton Ohio with two very bad knees... and a dream to become a major league baseball player. I thank God that dream came true."

  • New! [ Download ] (55k) dreamcametrue2.mp3 - Mike Schmidt breaks down as he retires from Major League Baseball: "I thank God that dream came true."

  • New! [ Download ] (68k) dreamingallday.mp3 - FOX 2's Huel Perkins reading a text message between Kwame Kilpatrick and Christine Beatty: "I been dreaming all day about you all to myself for three days"

  • New! [ Download ] (27k) drphilanythingwrong.mp3 - Dr. Phil: "I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (189k) drunkharrison.mp3 - A possibly drunk Harrison Ford tries to give away a Golden Globe.

  • New! [ Download ] (13k) duhyeah.mp3 - Danny DeVito in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: "Duh yeah."

  • New! [ Download ] (105k) eatingalot.mp3 - Butt-head from Beavis and Butt-Head: "Uh, I heard about this dude. He got famous just for like, eating a lot for like, thirty days."

  • New! [ Download ] (15k) excuseme.mp3 - From South Park: "Excuse me."

  • New! [ Download ] (15k) excuseme2.mp3 - From South Park: "Excuse me!"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (26k) picknose.mp3 - Peter Marolis, some random local guy who went around pretending to be the cousin of Constantine from American Idol: "And this coming from a guy whose only talent is uh, picking his nose with his big toe."

  • New! [ Download ] (58k) bigblueones.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "Look at these big blue ones, look how beautiful these are. These, right?"

  • New! [ Download ] (38k) bigdicksout.mp3 - Gina the phone sex operator: "Well tell me boys, do you have those big hard dicks out already?"

  • New! [ Download ] (72k) biggerandbetter.mp3 - Dick Clark on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve: "And tonight, it's bigger and better than ever."

  • New! [ Download ] (40k) bigmagicjohnson.mp3 - Donald Sterling, former owner of the Los Angeles Clippers: "Big Magic Johnson, what has he done?"

  • New! [ Download ] (45k) catfecus.mp3 - A neighbor (possibly named Wendel, I can't remember) of a house of skank that stunk like cat feces: "Well, it- it smells like, cat fecus."

  • New! [ Download ] (56k) checkinsideasshole.mp3 - From South Park: "Alright sir, I just needs to check inside your asshole."

  • New! [ Download ] (11k) efren.mp3 - Trudi Daniels: "Efren?"

  • New! [ Download ] (46k) efrenfart.mp3 - The Efren fart

  • New! [ Download ] (88k) efrenfartslomo.mp3 - Slow mo version of the Efren fart

  • New! [ Download ] (16k) poop.mp3 - Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head: "Poop!"

  • New! [ Download ] (40k) portuguesethankyou.mp3 - From the funeral of Rosa Parks: "If I were Portuguese I'd say obrigado."

  • New! [ Download ] (69k) putbabyinyou.mp3 - Will Forte in The Brothers Solomon: "What do you say we get out of here and I go put a baby in you?"

  • New! [ Download ] (21k) putthatonlist.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "Can you put that on the list?"

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) redwhiteblue.mp3 - A pro Hillary Clinton redneck: "Red white and blue!"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (32k) yousexy.mp3 - Luke Perry in Beverly Hills, 90210: "You are incredibly sexy."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (77k) rockshelter.mp3 - Debb Eaton, a contestant on Survivor: "We got enough rocks here too, we could build a pretty decent shelter just usin' rocks!"

  • New! [ Download ] (31k) stunksobad.mp3 - Michael Jackson being interview on 60 Minutes: "And it stunk so bad."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (28k) 45mins.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "For like forty five minutes"

  • New! [ Download ] (54k) abu.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson tending to Blanket: "Yes, aboo!"

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) ahha.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Ah ha!"

  • New! [ Download ] (141k) america.mp3 - Randy in South Park: "Arresting me for what? I'm not allowed to stand up for myself? I thought this was America! Huh? Isn't this America? I'm sorry, I thought this was America."

  • New! [ Download ] (37k) americawin.mp3 - A pro Hillary Clinton redneck: "America is going to win."

  • New! [ Download ] (6k) areyathere.mp3 - Larry King: "Are ya there?"

  • New! [ Download ] (63k) areyouokay.mp3 - Donald Trump during his 2016 Presidential campaign: "Are you okay? You okay? Are you alright?"

  • New! [ Download ] (27k) areyouokay2.mp3 - Donald Trump during his 2016 Presidential campaign: "Are you okay?"

  • New! [ Download ] (42k) arnoldlovechild.mp3 - Benjy from Howard Stern on Demand at an Anthony Weinerpress conference: "Will you help to support Arnold's love child?"

  • New! [ Download ] (15k) askforgina.mp3 - Gina the phone sex operator: "Just ask for Gina baby."

  • New! [ Download ] (31k) ateweiners.mp3 - Mr. Burns from The Simpsons: "Whowho, I ate my share of weiners that day."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (22k) bomb.mp3 - Roland Winkler on the Leif Garrett episode of Behind the Music: "Ready for a bomb?"

  • New! [ Download ] (54k) boringtrump.mp3 - Donald Trump: "Ugh, boring! Boring!"

  • New! [ Download ] (23k) bothsayit.mp3 - Michael Jackson: "Do we both say it?"

  • New! [ Download ] (39k) boughttheseright.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "We bought these right? And these?"

  • New! [ Download ] (41k) boughtthisone.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "Bought this one, this one."

  • New! [ Download ] (21k) boughtthisoneright.mp3 - Michael Jackson in the documentary Living with Michael Jackson: "I bought this one, right?"

  • New! [ Download ] (25k) brandon2days.mp3 - Tom Mazawey: "I see Brandon gets two days a week, huh?"

  • New! [ Download ] (16k) brandonfired.mp3 - Donald Trump: "Brandon, you're doing a terrible job, you're fired."

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) branDONhmm.mp3 - Tom Mazawey: "BranDON. Hmm. Ok."

  • New! [ Download ] (91k) breakingnews.mp3 - The breaking news sounder from a Majic Windows commercial: "Breaking news, with Mort Crim."

  • New! [ Download ] (2.0M) breakingnewstoilet.mp3 - Breaking News: A toilet won't stop flushing in the Greater Media building. It was described as "flushing wildly".

  • New! [ Download ] (157k) bukkakeporno.mp3 - Random executive in a K-Swiss ad campaign: "K, what's bew-cake porno?"
    Danny McBride: "Bukkake, you dumb motherfucker. What, you been livin' in a cave? It's like an old Asian traditional porno. Just- it's hilarious. I need that shit. Next."

  • New! [ Download ] (9k) clintonwhat.mp3 - Hillary Clinton: "What?!"

  • New! [ Download ] (67k) clockisslow.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Ah man, I think the clock is slow man..."

  • New! [ Download ] (24k) coat.mp3 - Ed Bassmaster: "What happened to his coat?"

  • New! [ Download ] (549k) cocaineattic.mp3 - Leonard Rowe: "Why do someone that's completely healthy need someone to take care of them? I consider myself healthy Larry. I don't have a doctor living with me. Do you have one living with you?"
    Larry King: "No. So you're implying foul play by sending a doctor there?"
    Leonard Rowe: "No, Larry. Let me say this to you-"
    Larry King: "I'm lost."
    Leonard Rowe: "Michael Jackson was addicted, we all know that. It's not a secret. Would you put a cocaine seller in the house with a cocaine attic?"
    Larry King: "Are you saying they put a cocaine seller in the house- the doctor was selling cocaine?"
    Leonard Rowe: "I didn't say that Larry. But he was able to write- he was able to administer drugs."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (371k) jacksonrestroom.mp3 Michael Jackson being interviewed on 60 Minutes: "Once I went in the restroom, they locked me in there for like forty five minutes. There was doo-doo, feces, thrown all over the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and it stunk so bad. And one of the policemen came by the window and he made a sarcastic remark. He said, 'Smell, does it smell good enough for you in there? How do you like the smell? Is it good?' And I just simply said, 'It's alright. It's okay.'"

  • New! [ Download ] (89k) copwriteticket.mp3 - Ed Bassmaster: "Whenever a cop writes you out a ticket, the first thing you do is you take the ticket and you say, would you look at this?"

  • New! [ Download ] (15k) cosbycoocachoo.mp3 - Bill Cosby: "Goo ga coo ca chu!"

  • New! [ Download ] (435k) cosbytoteboard.mp3 - The Bill Cosby Alleged Sexual Assault Victim Toteboard

  • New! [ Download ] (102k) courtneybasspro.mp3 - Telemarketer Courtney calls Marc live during the podcast: "Hello Marc, this is Courtney with vacation foreign travel. I'm calling about an entry form you filled out at the Bass Pro Shop."

  • New! [ Download ] (18k) courtneybassproshopduh.mp3 - Telemarketer Courtney calls Marc live during the podcast: "I mean, duh."

  • New! [ Download ] (19k) courtneybassproshopfunny.mp3 - Telemarketer Courtney calls Marc live during the podcast: "You guys are funny."

  • New! [ Download ] (35k) criminal.mp3 - Michael Jackson: "Who's the criminal? Who-who's Jack the Ripper?"

  • New! [ Download ] (57k) crissangelalive.mp3 - Criss Angel screams out as he "escapes" from an building implosion in 2008. Commentator: "Criss Angel is out and alive!"

  • New! [ Download ] (20k) crissangelscream.mp3 - Criss Angel screaming out as he "escapes" from an building implosion in 2008.

  • New! [ Download ] (230k) dontmess.mp3 - A bagel starts hitting the touchtones on her phone and Drew unloads on her: *blasts the megaphone* "Don't mess with me bagel!"

  • New! [ Download ] (3.2M) drewandgethard.mp3 - Drew imagines someone being tased until they "Get hard!"

  • New! [ Download ] (10.1M) drewandmikemeetgina.mp3 - Drew and Mike call a phone sex line for men who have small penises and like to be humiliated. They pose as brothers "Buzz" and "Jarvis" and end up meeting the infamous Gina.

  • New! [ Download ] (36k) alwaysknewit2.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "I always fucking knew it."

  • New! [ Download ] (31k) alwaysknewit.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "I always knew it."

  • New! [ Download ] (37k) conduit.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Oh, I'll be your conduit."

  • New! [ Download ] (35k) fuckyazeesstardust.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Fuck yeah zees stardust." (Close enough)

  • New! [ Download ] (41k) fuckyeah.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Yeah, fuck yeah!"

  • New! [ Download ] (55k) fuckyeah2.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Yeah, uh, fuck yeah."

  • New! [ Download ] (32k) iknewit.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "I knew it!"

  • New! [ Download ] (62k) itsover.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Oh my God, it's over! I feel it."

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) itsover2.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "It's over!"

  • New! [ Download ] (50k) mischabye.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Heh, uhhhhh, bye!"

  • New! [ Download ] (25k) mischaohmygod.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Oh my God!"

  • New! [ Download ] (23k) mischaohmygod2.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Oh my God!"

  • New! [ Download ] (26k) mymother.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Oh, my mother."

  • New! [ Download ] (21k) ohifeelyou.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Oh, I feel you."

  • New! [ Download ] (29k) planetearth.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "On planet Earth!"

  • New! [ Download ] (26k) terrifying.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "It's terrifying."

  • New! [ Download ] (30k) whatwitch.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "What a witch!"

  • New! [ Download ] (48k) whoa.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Whooooooooooa!"

  • New! [ Download ] (40k) youfuckingwitch.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "You fucking witch!"

  • New! [ Download ] (71k) youreangry.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "Whoooooooooa, you're angry."

  • New! [ Download ] (21k) youreangry2.mp3 - Mischa Barton, from her incoherent rant: "You're angry."

  • New! [ Download ] (206k) watchbyself.mp3 - Chris Farley in Almost Heroes: "Oh, I understand. You want to watch her by yourself."

  • New! [ Download ] (8k) yeahgoahead.mp3 - Larry King: "Yeah, go ahead. What's the question?"

  • New! [ Download ] (35k) yesiam.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Yes I am!"

  • New! [ Download ] (30k) yesimhot.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Yes I'm hot!"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (19k) youarestupid.mp3 - An irate Iraqi: "You are stupid."

  • New! [ Download ] (1.5M) negotiations.mp3 - From a K-Swiss ad, Kenny Powers negotiates an endorsement deal

  • New! [ Download ] (10k) next2.mp3 - Mr. Burns from The Simpsons: "Next!"

  • New! [ Download ] (103k) niceface.mp3 - Will Arnett in The Brothers Solomon: "You have got a nice face. It sure makes up that body."

  • New! [ Download ] (38k) nicelittleguy.mp3 - Donald Trump during his 2016 Presidential campaign: "Looks like a nice little guy actually."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (18k) nobodyunderstands.mp3 - Donald Trump: "Nobody understands it."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (24k) noidea.mp3 - Roland Winkler on the Leif Garrett episode of Behind the Music: "I have no idea."

  • New! [ Download ] (294k) nonsequiturcartoons.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Cartoons

  • New! [ Download ] (176k) nonsequiturdairyqueen.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Dairy Queen

  • New! [ Download ] (333k) nonsequiturderbypool.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Derby Pool

  • New! [ Download ] (216k) nonsequiturflipwilson.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Flip Wilson

  • New! [ Download ] (11k) idontthinkso.mp3 - Donald Trump during his 2016 Presidential campaign: "I don't think so."

  • New! [ Download ] (441k) internetmemories4.mp3 - On the 20th Anniversary of the World Wide Web, surfers share their first memories of the Internet, Part 4.

  • New! [ Download ] (311k) internetmemories5.mp3 - On the 20th Anniversary of the World Wide Web, surfers share their first memories of the Internet, Part 5.

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) inthecan.mp3 - Will Arnett in Hot Rod: "Uh, no, she's in the can. Can I take a message?"

  • New! [ Download ] (18k) isaidgetoutofmyhouse.mp3 - Dwight Yoakam in Sling Blade: "I said, get out of my house."

  • New! [ Download ] (19k) jadensmithparents.mp3 - From South Park: "Jaden Smith let's his parents do whatever they want."

  • New! [ Download ] (1.7M) jimbrockmire.mp3 - The full Hank Azaria as Jim Brockmire clip.

  • New! [ Download ] (19k) justpunchedhimintheface.mp3 - Nick Offerman in Parks and Recreation: "If it were me, I would've just punched him in the face."

  • New! [ Download ] (42k) kickmycar.mp3 - Will Forte in MacGruber: "Did you really just kick my car? Oh no, oh no you don't! Real mature!"

  • New! [ Download ] (211k) kwamecallandfart.mp3 - Drew and Mike call Kwame Kilpatrick's voicemail to leave a Butt Mic fart on it.

  • New! [ Download ] (17k) kwameflustered.mp3 - A flustered Kwame Kilpatrick after being ambushed by Drew and Mike.

  • New! [ Download ] (6k) kwamehello.mp3 - Kwame Kilpatrick: "Hello."

  • New! [ Download ] (8k) kwamehello2.mp3 - Kwame Kilpatrick: "Hello?"

  • New! [ Download ] (8k) kwamelaugh.mp3 - An uneasy Kwame Kilpatrick laugh.

  • New! [ Download ] (10k) kwametakecare.mp3 - Kwame Kilpatrick: "Alright, well take care now."

  • New! [ Download ] (14k) theytookwhat.mp3 - Huel Perkins, in reference to a vibrator: "They took what?"

  • New! [ Download ] (29k) tombrokaw.mp3 - A kid in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby: "Tow Brokaw is a punk!"

  • New! [ Download ] (24k) trumpstopit.mp3 - Donald Trump on 60 Minutes: "I'll say it right to the camera, stop it."

  • New! [ Download ] (13k) trumpstopit2.mp3 - Donald Trump on 60 Minutes: "Stop it."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (21k) tuckyouinbed.mp3 - Donald Trump during his 2016 Presidential campaign: "Tell her to tuck you into bed."

  • New! [ Download ] (13k) uh.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Uh!"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (1.4M) umbrellaholder.mp3 - You too can apply to be a professional umbrella holder for Michael Jackson.

  • New! [ Download ] (28k) underwears.mp3 - Peter Griffin in Family Guy: "Ugh. That's the end of those underwears."

  • New! [ Download ] (26k) unf.mp3 - Some random David Lee Roth noise.

  • New! [ Download ] (51k) vanhalenwhistle.mp3 - The Van Halen whistle.

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (10k) vanload.mp3 - An irate woman, in reference to illegal Mexican immigrants: "If there's a van load of 'em, pull 'em all over!"

  • New! [ Download ] (16k) goodytwoshoes.mp3 - An irate old man on Cops: "Oh, goody two-shoes for you!"

  • New! [ Download ] (25k) handsomemarry1.mp3 - Will Forte in MacGruber: "Really? Well if you think he's so handsome, then why don't you marry him?"

  • New! [ Download ] (25k) handsomemarry2.mp3 - Will Forte in MacGruber: "No seriously, if you think he's so handsome go marry him."

  • New! [ Download ] (24k) heyisaidgetout.mp3 - Dwight Yoakam in Sling Blade: "Hey! I said, get out of my house!"

  • New! [ Download ] (15k) hittingthatass.mp3 - J.B. Smoove on Curb Your Enthusiasm: "I'm the President of hittin' that ass!"

  • New! [ Download ] (12k) hornylinda.mp3 - Dwight Yoakam in Sling Blade: "That kinda makes me horny Linda."

  • New! [ Download ] (11k) howhung.mp3 - Drew: "How hung was he by the way?"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (16k) weasel.mp3 - Robert Duvall, in response to Drew and Mike calling him one morning in his hotel room: "Don't weasel in!"

  • New! [ Download ] (19k) whathappenedthere.mp3 - Larry King: "What happened there?"

  • New! [ Download ] (13k) whathappenedwolf.mp3 - Wolf Blitzer unprofessionally throwing to a reporter: "What happened? What's going on?"

  • New! [ Download ] (43k) whatifkidssee.mp3 - Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head: "Whoa, really? What if kids see this?"

  • New! [ Download ] (56k) whatjusthappened.mp3 - Rachel Reilly on Big Brother: "What just happened? How did this happen again?"

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) whatsgoodaboutit.mp3 - Dr. Phil: "What's good about it?"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (23k) whatthehell2.mp3 - Roland Winkler on the Leif Garrett episode of Behind the Music: "What the hell happened that night?"

  • New! [ Download ] (46k) whuoh.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Whu ohh!"

  • New! [ Download ] (44k) woo.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Woooooo!"

  • New! [ Download ] (46k) woowoo.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Woooooo! Wooooo!"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (33k) worldclassliar.mp3 - Donald Trump during his 2016 Presidential campaign: "She's a world class liar."

  • New! [ Download ] (50k) worldclassliar2.mp3 - Donald Trump during his 2016 Presidential campaign: "Hillary Clinton. She's a world class liar."

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) yeahdavidlee.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Yeah!"

  • New! [ Download ] (47k) yeahdavidlee2.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Yeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

  • New! [ Download ] (34k) ablackguy.mp3 - From Family Guy: "Hey, a black guy! Oooh, fun!"

  • New! [ Download ] (37k) runninonemore.mp3 - David Lee Roth: "Runnin' one more time!"

  • New! [ Download ] (42k) russianthankyou.mp3 - From the funeral of Rosa Parks: "If I were Russian I'd say spasibo"

  • New! [ Download ] (52k) securitybreach.mp3 - From South Park: "Security breach!"

  • New! [ Download ] (1.6M) segersingstigerssongs.mp3 - From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Bob Seger reworks his songs to include the Detroit Tigers

  • New! [ Download ] (56k) selfservinglie.mp3 - Donald Trump: "A total and self serving lie."

  • New! [ Download ] (799k) shrek.mp3 - Monica Conyers calls Ken Cockrel "Shrek"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (19k) shutup.mp3 - Adam Sandler in Billy Madison: "Shut up!"

  • New! [ Download ] (33k) smartguy.mp3 - Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head: "He's a smart guy, that Rick."

  • New! [ Download ] (23k) smearfeces.mp3 - Danny DeVito in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: "When they know they're getting thrown out of a house, they smear feces all over the walls."

  • New! [ Download ] (72k) smoothsailing.mp3 - Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head: "I think uhm, once he does get a job I think everything's going to be smooth sailing."

  • New! [ Download ] (51k) sodamngood.mp3 - Huel Perkins reading a text message between Kwame Kilpatrick and Christine Beatty: "You made me feel so damn good that night!"

  • New! [ Download ] (42k) spanishthankyou.mp3 - From the funeral of Rosa Parks: "If I were Spanish I'd say gracias."

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (18k) stanley.mp3 - Diane Sawyer interviewing Tom Cruise: "Stanley"

  • New! [ Download ] (31k) stealit.mp3 - Jon Glaser on Parks and Recreation: *laughing* "I like that. I'm going to steal it. That's mine now."

  • New! [ Download ] (76k) steroids.mp3 - Danny McBride in Eastbound & Down:"Obviously I'm not going to need steroids once I'm fucking in shape, this is just to kick start the training dude."

  • New! [ Download ] (332k) steroidsfull.mp3 - The full cut of Danny McBride in Eastbound & Down trying to procure some steroids.

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (379k) superbowl.mp3 - Greg Lloyd wants everyone to listen to him swear on live TV after winning the Superbowl: "Listen, we'd like to pause for a minute. Listen... Listen... Listen...Listen...Guys, we've waited for one whole year to get this trophy and it means so much to everybody in here that I don't think, you know, it go without adieu(?). This thing belongs to Mr. Rooney, it belongs here, and let's see if we can bring this damn thing back here next year along with the fucking Superbowl. Here we go."

  • New! [ Download ] (27k) thankyouforthat.mp3 - Dr. Phil: "Thank you for that."

  • New! [ Download ] (13k) thankyouryan.mp3 - Dick Clark on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve: "Thank you, Ryan."

  • New! [ Download ] (31k) thankyouverymuchryan.mp3 - Dick Clark on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve: "Thank you very much, Ryan."

  • New! [ Download ] (825k) tbcthefartsong.mp3 - The Toilet Bowl Cleaners song, The Fart Song

  • New! [ Download ] (796k) tbcthepeesong.mp3 - The Toilet Bowl Cleaners song, The Pee Song

  • New! [ Download ] (27k) tomcruisescreaming.mp3 - Tom Cruise screaming in the 2017 version of The Mummy.

  • New! [ Download ] (37k) thethriller2.mp3 - Michael Jackson: "The Thriller."

  • New! [ Download ] (57k) thatstinks.mp3 - Ed Bassmaster: *sniffing a dog's butt* "Oooo, that stinks! Haha, haha."

  • New! [ Download ] (9k) uhmno.mp3 - Voiceover guy in a Bill Schuette political ad railing challenger Mark Totten: "Uhm, no."

  • New! [ Download ] (33k) uhnnnnn.mp3 - Some random David Lee Roth noise.

  • New! [ Download ] (7k) vincentjamesmusic.mp3 - Vincent James answering his phone: "Music!"

  • New! [ Download ] (17k) wellyeahbaby.mp3 - Gina the phone sex operator: "Well, yeah baby!"

  • New! [ Download ] (8k) whatbaby.mp3 - Gina the phone sex operator: "What, baby?"

  • New! [ Download ] (22k) firefighter911laugh.mp3 - The infamous clip of a NYC firefighter laughing about going home to a hot tub and his wife after 9-11: "-but that's another story!" *laughs*

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (54k) firefighter911laughfull.mp3 - The full version of the infamous clip of a NYC firefighter laughing about going home to a hot tub and his wife after 9-11: "And I got home about two o'clock in the morning and hopped in the Jacuzzi with my wife, but that's another story!" *laughs*

  • New! [ Download ] (42k) stoplooking.mp3 - Steve Little in Eastbound & Down: "Stop looking at me shit! Stop it!"

  • New! [ Download ] (37k) stillsleeping.mp3 - John Madden's FAKE sleeping excuse: "No no no, I'm still sleeping."

  • New! [ Download ] (51k) philcollinsdrumbreak.mp3 - The Phil Collins drum break from In the Air Tonight, sometimes used for dramatic effect.

  • New! [ Download ] (330k) nonsequituramericanpharoh.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: American Pharoah

  • New! [ Download ] (104k) nonsequiturarod.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: A-Rod

  • New! [ Download ] (307k) nonsequiturbatmansticker.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Batman Sticker

  • New! [ Download ] (304k) nonsequiturburgerkingorder.mp3 - Tom Mazawey, the Human Non Sequitur: Burger King Order

  • New! [ Download ] (60k) notmyfirstchoice.mp3 - Donald Trump during his 2016 Presidential campaign: "Believe me, she would not be my first choice. That I can tell you."

  • New! [ Download ] (69k) ohwouldyoulookatthis.mp3 - Ed Bassmaster: "Oh would you look at this? Oh my goodness, what is it?"

  • New! [ Download ] (41k) ohwouldyoulookatthis2.mp3 - Ed Bassmaster: "Oh would you look at this?"

  • New! [ Download ] (72k) sickbastard.mp3 - Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head: "What kind of sick bastard is fantasizing about this? On my tax dollars!"

  • Upgrade! [ Download ] (39k) singlemom.mp3 - Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head: "Yeah well you know, it's tough being a single mom you know."

  • New! [ Download ] (67k) whaleofamoment.mp3 - Dick Clark on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve: "You know, we have a whale of a moment."

Private Archive

 
 

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