Stump The Staff
Stump the staff is an interactive game in which listeners are invited to call in with trivia questions in an attempt to stump all present staff members. Callers are only allowed one question, and tremendous attempts are made to get them to waste it with such pointless inquiries such as "How are you?" or "What’s happening?" Even an inflected question such as "Hello?" or "What?" is sufficient grounds for disqualification, and every attempt will be made to trick the caller into such a faux paux. Also notable for the extremely long list of rules that all players are expected to know and follow, even though the hosts themselves have been known to forget them themselves. Further rules for this game are usually invented or changed while the game is in progress and will sometimes be named after the contest participant who first inspired them.
The Rules of Stump The Staff
(Known current as of January 24, 2017. If I have missed one rule or another, let me know.)
Violation of any of the following rules is cause for immediate dismissal from the game. Obviously some of these rules no longer applied after the change of stations and staff, with the one constant being Drew.
The first caller cannot win.
The Grandfather rule - Any new rule created can be applied retroactively.
The Staff do not have to read the rules but you are still expected to follow them.
The prize can be taken away after the fact. This typical involves the threat of being removed from said show or concert by the scruff of the neck.
Prizes may be given away to losers if their questions are determined by the Staff to be particularly good. This comes up more often then not when the Staff gets on a hot streak and are unstumpable.
When Mike Clark is the category, the rest of the Staff may defer to Mike three times per game as a save.
When asking "first player to score points" or "last player to score" questions, especially pertaining to the Super Bowl, the caller must give both teams involved.
When the category is March Madness, when asking certain questions involving the year something happened (ie. who was the 1977 MVP), the caller may be required to supply what team was the National Champion that year.
The staff does not have to answer questions that have already been asked before.
Whenever a caller chews up valuable time on air (for example: by asking a question with inaccurate information, or fleshing out their question on the air) the Staff reserves the right to meet the caller wherever they are, duct tape a football to them, and play "Smear the Queer" for an hour
When dealing with Strawberry Dong questions, the answer is always two. Cropped up after a proliferation of gimmick Strawberry Dong questions in fall 2013. Some of the early question askers actually won prizes. This led to a number of copycats.
When the category is "Bat-Maz", the questions must be related to the classic 60's TV series Batman.
When the category includes the Detroit Pistons, the questions must be from the Bad Boys era and onward.
- Carry the burden of conversation
- Ask one question, and one question only. The only exception to this is in response to a Mel Gibson drop.
- Be engaging
- Be nice to Trudi
- Respond to Gary Coleman
- Know the answer to their own question
- Respond to L.T.
- Respond to Rod (The 10k for a wife guy)
- Respond to Jerry (the San Francisco Jacks guy)
- Respond to Borat
- Respond to Mrs. Jazzerzab
- Respond to Ron Burgundy
- Respond to Mel Gibson
- Respond to Larry King
- Respond to Casey Anthony (although the drops in question were never conclusively proven to be Casey Anthony)
- Respond to other drops, as appropriate. *Note* Responding to drops usually requires mentioning the person in some fashion. ie) Hi Larry!
- Be excited if they win (the Mike Machesky rule, formerly the Lloyd Lutkey rule)
- Understand that the staff gets three guesses before the caller wins (unless the staff gives in sooner)
- Understand the delay
- Understand that the staff may use any and all resources to answer a question
- Understand all the rules even though Drew and Mike are not obligated to read them
- Understand that all errors are in favor of the staff
- Accept the name Drew and Mike give you
- Understand that the rules may be changed at anytime
- Have a source that the Staff can quickly reference for verification purposes
- Have command of their question. The contestant should know the details surrounding your question, where it originated, and most of all, understand it.
- Answer bra size questions (Women only)
- When asking a game specific question that involves "first to score points" or "last to score points", you must supply the staff with the teams involved in the game.
- Actually listen to the hosts as some callers seem to be in their own world or trying to multitask at work or in a drive thru, etc. while calling the show
Use the third person fix. Callers may bail themselves out of trouble by quickly apologizing in the third person. (ie. "Dave is sorry!") This tactic is typically only accepted if a question has been inadvertantly asked. This tactic can only be used once per call.
Be grandfathered and allowed to continue playing the game if something they do creates a new rule to be made at that moment. This, of course, is up to the discretion of Drew and Mike and usually depends on how annoying the person is.
Answer Larry King, or simply ask their question when Larry says "Go ahead, what's the question?"
CALLERS MAY NOT:
- Ask pre-1970 questions
- Ask pre-1995 questions when the category is the Detroit Red Wings
- Ask pre-1979 questions when the category is Marc Madness (NCAA March Madness)
- Ask multi-part questions
- Exhibit robotic behavior
- Be pushy weasels
- Sound stupid
- Ask "co-star" questions
- Ask "stupid wiener" questions
- Order the hosts around
- Kiss the host’s asses
- Ask repetitive questions, or be repetitive at all in general
- Call anyone "baby"
- Eat while playing the game
- Be a dick to L.T.
- Talk over Butt Mike
- Laugh over Butt Mike
- Male bash
- Be a pain in the ass
- Try to be funny
- Ask Crispin Glover, Craig Biggio, or action hero questions
- Ask birthday questions (Keith Cameron rule)
- Be a snob
- Try to sound sexy (men only)
- Flesh out questions on the air
- Push their voice (Rod violation)
- Be overly polite
- Say "Hoooooooowwweeellll!!! Michigan"
- Ask deflected pass questions
- Say "good morning" more than once (or whatever the appropriate greeting is depending on the time of day)
- Pronounce the "T" in football
- Ask "piece of equipment" questions
- Be on speaker phone
- Ask hockey draft questions
- Ask Pro Bowl questions
- Ask questions that were already asked
- Ask "Maggie, Lisa, or Bart Simpson" questions. There was later a rule added specifically saying "No Maggie scan questions" but I guess they forgot they already don't take Maggie questions.
- Ask "second place" questions
- Act weird
- Ask "first line in the movie" questions
- Ask "running length" questions
- Say "Right On"
- Be trite
- Display clueless activity
- Breathe hard/heavily (men only)
- Be too excited
- Be a turd
- Ask questions to people, whether the air (ie: questions asked to people in the background environment with the caller count as the one question accepted in the game)
- Ask a question after winning. Prizes may be taken away by Drew and Mike even if they already awarded said prize.
- Ask Frank Reich questions
- Ask middle name questions
- Ask "character name" questions
- Say "Howdy, howdy"
- Yell "Yo"
- Yell to people off the air trying to let them know that you're on the air
- Sound gay
- Ask arts and literature questions
- Have crying babies, ever
- Ask "football bell" questions. (This refers to teams that ring a bell after a touchdown eg. Texas Tech)
- Ask "milestones happened against" questions. ie. ask "what team happened against" questions
- Use a bad cellphone
- Use cheezy slang ie. "I'm doing jivey."
- Reference their husbands or boyfriends (women only) aka Sam's Law
- Use the word "eclipse"
- Interrupt plugs, especially for Cold Stone Creamery
- Use headsets on cell phones. (The James Singely rule)
- Ask team questions (Dan Toole rule)
- Talk over drops
- Butt-in while staff is conferring about an answer
- Ask attendance questions
- Ask team record questions
- Say "What's cracking?", even though that's a question to begin with and you'd be eliminated.
- Ask a "room number" question when the category is "Movies We Like"
- Sound romantic (men only)
- Use a stupid nickname (The Moosey Rule)
- Ask a Mark Eaton question (Mike Cossack rule)
- Ask a retired number question
- Utter the word "peace" or the phrase "peace out"
- Ask an ownership or other organizational questions
- Ask mythical questions
- Ask race or nationality questions
- Ask a blocked punt question - This was later revised to No Punting Questions with the exception being questions about punt returns for touchdowns, or similar.
- Say "Roger Dodger"
- Ask Silverdome questions
- Ask runner-up questions
- Call anyone "Champ"
- Listen to the rules when they are being read (applies to the rare occasion when the staff go over them)
- Ask baseball pop fly questions
- Ask NFL Player of the Week or Player of the Month questions
- Ask draft pick questions (beyond the 1st round)
- Over apologize
- Provide information dumps or substantial amounts of additional information unless the Staff asks for it
- Exhibit "Fonzi" like behaviour (ie. say "Hey" in a drawn out fashion like the character on Happy Days)
- Say "Sorry" in a drawn out fashion (although using it as a crutch to overcome a stuttering impairment is acceptable)
- Ask a football penalty question unless the play involved is well known
- Ask a point after touchdown (PAT) question (The Dan Wilson Rule)
- Ask a question about triples (baseball)
- Ask a "hit for the cycle" baseball question
- Ask an exhibition game question (The Dan Wilson Rule)
- Refer to anyone as "Boss"
- Ask a Super Bowl roman numeral question
- Ask a question relating to the price of something.
- Ask a first question. This includes first goals, first home run, first win, first basket, and so on.
- Ask anymore questions about the final game at Tiger Stadium
- Ask a sacrifice fly or balk question
- Tell the Staff to "get over it"
- Ask a Frank Wright question
- Be too loud when Joey (a Staff member) is sleeping
- Say "We can debate that"
- Say "Rock it up", "Kid Rock it up", or any variations of such
- Give the same answer to any staff question more than two times in a row.
- Ask a hit by pitch question unless the answer is Ron Hunt or Don Baylor (the Dave Tretinik rule)
- Ask a pitch count question.
- Ask a "you saw" question where it's based on your first person observation
- Ask a "what year" question (Will Roberts rule)
- Ask a baseball manager question
- Ask a question where the answer would be how many times something happened
- Ask a team (ie. point total or margin of victory) question
- Say "Happy Friday"
- Say "Happy wife, happy life" (the Matt from St. Clair Shores rule)
- Say "No sir" in response to a wrong answer
- Laugh nervously (the Aaron Batch rule)
- Ask a women's basketball question, period.
- Ask an MLB interleague question
- Speak with a fake accent
- Say "Get kickin'"
- Ask an MLB All Star Game question
- Refer to themselves in the third person other than using a third person fix to remain in the game.
- Say "yadda yadda yadda" (the Jason Hudson rule)
- Say "fantastical". The reasoning being that it borders too close on trying to be funny
- Heckle new members of the staff. Arose when during a session of Stump the Staff, a losing player refused to hang up on himself and was allowed to stay on the line. This quickly escalated into all losing players being allowed, if they so chose, to become temporary members of the Staff and were conferenced in with new players.
- Sing, ever
- Ask a trick question
- Launch. No launching into a question as soon as you are brought on the air. You are expected to hold a conversation with the Staff until they specifically ask you to ask your question. The only exception would be when time is growing short and they still have prizes to give away then, at the Staff's discretion, you might be pressed to launch into your question right away. In more recent times, this has been called "The Lightning Round".
- Say "Happy Wednesday to you"
- Start a Doug Podell remembrance (the Michael "Catman" rule)
- Have a stage name. Created in response to the above Michael "Catman" rule when the caller appeared to have created a fake name on the fly.
- Ask a first appearance of a TV show character question
- Ask a Super Bowl coin toss question
- Ask a MLB pennant clinching question
- Ask a Colby Lewis question (former Detroit Tiger who played in only two games)
- Ask a year something happened question
- Ask a question "who's number 6" in anything (ie: Who's currently in sixth place for the Detroit Tigers for on base percentage?)
- Ask a stadium question
- Ask a mascot question
- Kiss ass